While talking to one of my personal tutees today about how they were getting on this term both in and outside school, we started talking about how to cope with tiredness and reasons why you don't get things done.
We have a system for the undergraduate technique classes (this means ballet and contemporary. Don't ask me why they call them technique classes meaning that contact improv etc. isn't a technique?? But that's another subject.....) where before they have their one to one tutorial with their class teacher they fill out a paper which asks questions. This helps them reflect on their process and practice throughout the term and hopefully leads to a useful conversation in the tutorial. Afterwards the student writes up the main points of the conversation and shares it with the teacher.
This particular student hadn't filled in the the tutorial paper before his tutorial or written up the points afterwards. While asking him what the issue was and why he hadn't been able to do this, I began to realise that his excuses sounded very similar to my own when putting off writing either my blog or journal. I also caught myself saying to him things like "it will only take you half an hour, when you get home - just sit down and do it straight away then it's done!" While he was saying to me "but I can't find half an hour, when I think about doing it I decide it would be better to have a cigarette and think about the things that came up. I am thinking about these things. I just don't seem to be able to write them down."
I began to think about why we put off writing in this way and why we have such a hard time putting our thoughts down on paper without censoring ourselves - what is it that stops us? Why do we make excuses to ourselves and others when we find something challenging? I also see this happening with some students in class when they come across something challenging or don't like a particular class.
This was very similar to part of the conversation we were having in the Skype meeting last Sunday 1st Nov, when people were talking about writing thoughts down and bringing ideas together and how and why we lack confidence in doing this. Because we lack confidence we find excuses to avoid doing it. Is our fear of doing something incorrect and looking foolish stronger than our fear of entering the unknown?
It also resonated with some of the reading I have been doing on Blocks and Limitations to Reflection (p.40 Reflective Practice, Gillie Bolten 2014) and how we have to go through a process of learning to put thoughts on to paper. Just as in my case, students have to go through the process of learning steps in order to dance. The two subjects seem really far apart but the process and issues of learning are remarkably similar. Many of the feeling and anxieties that people were talking about in the Skype meeting are echoed in this short chapter.
What stood out for myself and thinking about what my student had said was the bullet point Tiredness/overwork/lack of time/too many other things to do. Which was excuse from both of us and that at complete different stages of our lives and study we were having very similar issues.
I also belong to our staff choir - we are a motley crew of teachers and admin staff from across The Place. Our choir master gets us to sight sing a lot of the time. This is one of the most unnerving things to do especially when you don't know the piece. You are entering this place of not knowing and the result normal consists of a lot of face pulling, nervous giggling and tentative attempts to hit the right note. However the choir master says exactly what I say to my students and what we said to each other in the Skype meeting. "What's the worse that can happen?" So why are we able to give this advice to other people but not take it on board ourselves.
So I guess having acknowledged that this is an issue for me in both writing and singing, the next part is to figure out why it is an issue, how I stop making excuses and get on do it.
Which is why, when I got home this evening I made sure I sat down and wrote this blog!
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